"Oh Diana, I feel as though you have tasted the bitterness of death..."

I didn't get the job. Crazy huh? I "lost" by a very narrow margin and was the bosses first choice, though he was out voted by his two right-hand men (men being the omni-gender term). Yeah, I was and am very, very, very, very, very, very dissapointed. I promised myself not to ponder over every minute I had there and wonder where I went wrong. In fact, I have been trying to focus on the positives.

7. (yeah, I thought of this last, but it's the most important point) I was 2nd best out of 100.
1. I'll be kept in mind for freelance work if I want.
2. I finally got some real experience under my belt.
3. I *did* getr paid $800 for 1 week of work.
4. I imagine I will be considered for future positions (at least I will ask to be).
5. I don't necessarily have to design direct mail (not that I really minded, but in the end I have a bigger vision for myself.
6. I don't have to work in a "business park".

Okay, now I am grasping for strings. Anyway, the truth is that I really wanted it and could imagine myself being very happy there. But, I am sure that I could be happy in many other places also. It is doubtful that I will make would I could have been making there, at least not right away.

Peter is gone home, but it was a fun time. I wish I'd been able to be less focused on waiting for a phone call from the prospective job.

Tesch laughed, or typed a laugh, at the idea of me not being original, but I don't think I said what I mean. Daniel and I had a good talk about the whole business, (I really love this guy!) and what came out of it was that he and I both are too concerned with the making a living aspect of creating. I can't learn a new craft with out trying to imagine out 100 ways to make stuff to sell via said craft. And too frequently I find myself looking at a painting and thinking, oh I could do a woodcut with that design. I am not sure how much, if any, new ideas are in the world, and I have never been too concerned with being "inspired" by someone else's creations until recently. I dunno. I am not saying that I don't think I am original, I am saying that I don't think I spend enough energy trying to be original.

I am noy thoroughly annoyed with this topic and I'm going to go make ants on a log.